Open Letter to Facebook

Dear Facebook,

I have been a user for years. Years before I had children, years before I was truly a grown up. I have posted my accomplishments, my failures, and my milestones within you. I have used you as an outlet to express myself and as venue to show of my children and my life. I have logged on faithfully, daily, really to check in on my world and my friends. I am disappointed in you.

My daily newsfeed is full of pictures - pictures of kids, of dogs, of foods. It's full of articles - about the state of the world, mommy wars, crimes stories, political outrage, rape stories, anything you can imagine. We allow others to express their opinions and their beliefs, yet your page has a terrible flaw. We also allow things to be reported anonymously. I have been flagged three times in the last 24 hours, twice for something ridiculous and once for something that was indeed inappropriate. All anonymously. All my someone who clearly has nothing better to do with their time.

The first picture was flagged twice:

Nudity. A four year old showing her back while riding her bike. Facebook did find this appropriate and let me keep it on my timeline; however, someone reported it yet again for nudity. Again, it was found appropriate. Let me throw this out there, Facebook - how about we start calling out those who report something that is truly appropriate when they say it isn't? I don't like seeing dying animals, abused children, or stories about Caitlyn Jenner, but I don't report them. It's not my job to censor the public. It's not my job to say what is or is not appropriate on someone else's personal page. If someone does report something that is truly appropriate and say it is inappropriate, you should contact the poster and let them know who this person is so that they can remove them from their friend's list. My profile is private, meaning someone on my list, who I think is my friend, found my child's back inappropriate. You should let me know who this is! It's a ridiculous policy on your end.

Meanwhile, I am scrolling my newsfeed and I see a girl half dressed showing her body transformation, a girl seductively making out with her better half, and an article about rape in a small town. And this is okay? You need better policies, Facebook, and better control of idiot reports such as mine. This is a headache and it's a shame. Or better yet, have a way for someone to contact you - perhaps where I can speak to a LIVE person instead of be redirected to a help center that is anything but helpful.

Sincerely,

ME

To My Son

My dearest Lawson,

I close my eyes and see your smile - that toothy smile and those big, round cheeks. Your green eyes are so full of life and happy. You are too pretty to be a boy, I've heard it a thousand times. And you are, my handsome son. A combination of your dad and I and a mix of our love for each other. Our son.

I didn't make a fancy book for your first birthday and I didn't chronicle every single milestone for you like I did for your sister. It's not because I love you less. It's not because you are not special. It's just the opposite.

It's because you, my second child, are enjoyed even more. It's a sad reality that it takes having a second baby to appreciate how fleeting that first year is. I was so wrapped up in taking pictures of everything Julianna did that I forgot to truly enjoy it. I wrote down every detail and I forgot to sit back and take it in. I sit with you and I breathe deeply and I smell that sweet baby smell of milk and sweat and lotion and I take it in - it is short lived and sweet. I feel your heavy head on my shoulder and your fingers in my hair and know it won't be this way long enough. You will not always cry when momma leaves the room and you won't always snuggle deeper into my chest. This, too, shall pass and too quickly at that.

You are my second child. You are likely my last. That in no way makes you less loved. I am sorry that I do not have the books and memories written down for you or your things neatly tucked away. You do not have shadow boxes or memory boxes or shutterfly books of everything.... but these little pieces of you are in my heart and tucked there safely. I honestly was unsure if I could love another child. And then you were born and opened up a new part of me I never knew existed. My heart grew even bigger and a new space developed just for you. My son. My baby boy.

I love you and your long eyelashes. I love your chubby thighs and your sweet sticky hands. Your drool and your milk breath. I love how you reach for me and no one else will do. I love when you sneak up the steps and laugh that you got away. Or how you get excited and throw both hands in the air. It's too cute when you point and so funny when you get mad.

It takes someone special to be a second baby and to roll with the punches. You are so good at it, sweet boy. So good. You don't care about the little things and I can just tell that you will be a gentle giant with a heart of gold and a man like your daddy. You will grow up kind and strong and respectful of women. You are special. I am so thankful for you and want you to know that you have changed me.... you have made me a new type of mother. An appreciative mother and one who doesn't sweat the small stuff. I love you. Always, my wild man. You are SO very loved. Thank you for choosing me to be your momma.

Thank you for the best year ever. You and your sister make my days worth living.

To my daughter

Julianna,

There’s a stack of charts on my desk, waiting for me to write in them. I have a busy day. This is normal for me, one busy day after another. The life of a working mom is a viscous cycle: work, play, love, snuggle, kiss, repeat (maybe some sleep?) It’s a constant struggle.

And the charts sit because I am distracted. I keep staring at a picture of you I took this morning. My beautiful daughter dressed as a bride. You are standing in the kitchen with your sweet smile and bedhead. You are beautiful and you are strong. You wake up every day with a smile and ask, “Who is gonna keep us today?” You know the answer is Nana because you know mommy works more than she’s home. You ask anyway and I hear the hope in your voice that maybe it’ll be me. But it isn’t. You smile anyway because you are strong. 

I stare at this picture of you and I want to cry. I cry for everything you are and the memories I have of you in the past four years – four years! How did that happen so quickly? I can hear you singing, see you dancing, remember your first crawl, and hear the weak cry when you had surgery. I see your excitement the first time we went to the American Girl store and I can taste the saltwater the day you stepped foot in the ocean. I hold so many memories of you and I laugh out loud thinking of some things you used to say. You make me laugh, every day, sweet girl.  Being your mom, you also push my buttons in a way no one else can. There’s something between a mother and a daughter that makes it both the most rewarding and most volatile relationship in the world. There’s no one who will love you more than your mother. There’s no one who can make you more proud or make you cry harder than your child.

I see you in this Rapunzel’s wedding dress and I flash forward to your wedding day. I know it will be here quicker than we both think. The years will fly by as I write in paper charts, pay bills, and miss out on so many little things. You’re strong because I’m strong. Being away from you and your brother takes pure strength and willpower. It is not easy to get up and come to work every day and I swallow that lump every morning when I reply with Nana.

There are some things I want you to know, Julianna. I want you to know and to keep these thoughts close:

I am proud of you. No matter if you choose to travel the world, play in a band, heal the sick, or just be kind, I couldn’t be any more proud.  I love your outlook on the world and how you think anything is possible. Never lose that.

  I worry for you. You have a tender heart. That tender heart will be easily broken and when it gets that way, I am here for you. I will mend it the best I can with words of wisdom and plenty of love. It’s okay to be that way and to love too much. We need more good people in this world.

 

 You are beautiful. When you go through the awkward phase and look in the mirror, you may not like what you see. Trust me, we all feel this way at some point. There are days we all feel ugly. It’s okay to feel that way, but please know you are not. You are the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen.  

  You are funny. It’s okay to laugh at yourself and to make others laugh. Your sense of humor is one thing I hope you never lose. We could all use more laughter.

 

  Do not give up. No one is good at everything. No one.  It’s okay to try and it’s okay to fail. You can’t find your strengths unless you know your weaknesses to. Try.

 
Be a good girl. Girls can be mean. Girls will be mean. One day when you are teenager, or maybe even before, you will see this. There are some girls in the world who bring down others and try to kill their self-esteem. Don’t give in to them. Be the bigger person.

Take care of your brother. He looks up to you and loves you. You will always be the top girl in his life. Guide him in a way only big sisters can do.

   Do not bully. You will find as you get older that there are different types of people in this world that come from a variety of backgrounds. No one is any better than anyone else. Do not pick on someone who may be down on their luck. This happens too much. Treat everyone equally.

   Be true to you. Don’t let anyone change who you are and what you want. Don’t let a boyfriend tear down your self-esteem or the mean girls make you feel  inadequate. You are enough and will always be enough. Believe that. Do not lose who you are trying to fit in with someone else.

 I’ve got your back. Always. I’m in your corner, in your shadow, and anywhere you need me to be. I will be here for you. I will cry for you at night when your heart is broken and I will rejoice secretly when I see you act kindly to a stranger. I will never give up on you.

You are my best friend. On the day you were born, I knew instantly that all I needed was suddenly reality.

Marry a man like your dad. He is honest, caring, loving, and helpful. He puts his family first and puts me above him. Find one like him. Do not be fooled by the first boy who looks your way.

Do not lose your faith. You brought me back to faith. You talk about Jesus and love to read Bible stories. Do not stray.

I work because I have to. I do not spend all these hours away from home because I don’t want to be with you. I spend these hours away to provide you with the best life possible. I never want you to struggle or do without. I want you to have the ability to do as you please and go where you want to go. Money is not everything in life – or anything, really – but it allows us to provide you with things that we otherwise may not be able to. (unfortunately, my student loans do not pay themselves).

  Talk to me. About anything and everything. I am a mother and I will listen. You have my ears, you have my shoulders, you have anything you need. Do not hide anything from me. I will not judge you and I will not be mad at you. This will be easier to understand when you get older.

  I love you. I love you more completely than I ever knew was possible. With every breath in me, I love you. I cannot imagine life without you in it.

Sweet girl in the wedding dress, pretend away – imagine life and enjoy it. Embrace today and I will be here watching you grow. I will nurture and love you. You make me the happiest momma in the world and a better person. You teach me something all the time. I pray for you, my sweet girl. Live a happy, healthy life and go where you choose. I will be there with you.

                                 Love always,

                                          Your momma