It's Sunday.
I'm tired - not just any tired, but more tired than I've been in a while. This week has taken me in a chokehold and basically did exactly as it says - choked me. It's been a stressful week, an overwhelming week, and a week filled with more to dos and sickness than I'm comfortable with. My emotions have been high and the mental workload of this week has been more than the physical ~ thankfully because my body is weary.
My heart gets that way sometimes too.
It's church day and I struggle to get out of bed, but I do it. Not because I have to, but because I need to go today and pray silently for strength for the next week slowly creeping up.
I can't say all Sundays are this way. There are Sundays we don't make it to church. There are Sundays we are out of town, enjoying these weekends with our kids before there simply aren't weekend with our kids anymore. They grow, you know.
There are Sundays we snuggle a little past ten and we don't make it. Does that make me less of a mommy or less of a Christian because I didn't make it to church that day? Or does God just know that I truly did need that day of rest, day of pajamas, or day of family?
Our God is forgiving. I do not believe he thinks less of me because I overslept, nor do I believe he keeps my attendance for my admittance into heaven.
I am raising good humans. I am raising kids who are faithful, compassionate, helpful, and so many more adjectives that I fail to mention. My kids are good. My family is solid. My faith is strong.
I guess what I'm trying to say is this: If God isn't keeping my attendance, neither should anyone else. He doesn't side eye because we rolled into church two minutes late or slightly disheveled. He does not care where I rejoice him, where I pray, or where I thank him - be it in front of the altar or in the aisle at Kroger because I finally had time to make it to the store.
The weight on a mother's shoulders is unbearable sometimes. The mental checklist and to do list and the feeling you are never, ever good enough. I don't need someone else judging me because frankly, that's not anyone's job.
Will I make it to church next Sunday? I hope so. But if I don't, rest assured that Our Father is not marking it in his black book.
My children missed school Tuesday and I stayed home with them. They were sick. They needed their mommy..... Julianna missed her first catechism class this year. Am I a just terrible role model because I didn't force her to go, sickness and all?
The Bible teaches us not to judge, to be merciful and forgiving... James 4:11-12 reads, "Brothers and sisters, do not slander one another. Anyone who speaks against a brother or sister or judges them speaks against the law and judges it. When you judge the law, you are not keeping it, but sitting in judgment on it. There is only one Lawgiver and Judge, the one is able to save and destroy. But you - who are you to judge your neighbor?"
The next time you see that family show up to church who hasn't been all month, say hello and smile. Maybe they've had more going on than they can bear, perhaps they've had obligations that aren't any of your business. But DO NOT judge them. Be merciful, says that Lord. Be welcoming. Do not be a churchgoer who turns people away from church. They do exist!
I guess the moral of my story is this: Don't feel bad for not being perfect. None of his are. Don't feel bad you took a weekend trip and missed church that week. It really is okay to live. Be steady in your faith and in your belief of the unending love and faithfulness of Our Father. He understands ~ more that any human ever could.
