Two years ago

It's been a day.

A long day at work, a long evening home, and too many coals in the fire of my life. The to do list is long and the nerves are short and I feel I'm failing at this motherhood gig every single day.

You see, I'm finally in the shower (8:30) and a sweet boy rounds the corner asking for clothes. He's currently into only underwear. I snap and mutter under my breath, as I normally do - "get them yourself. I can't do it while I'm in the shower!"

Away he goes and slowly returns holding up a shirt and asking if it's okay. I nod.

Away he goes again and I shower in peace, questioning why I have so many coals in the fire and wondering how I'm measuring up on the motherhood scale - not well I conclude. I finish up my shower and as I'm getting out --

"Mommy, just dry off and then come help me, okay? You need to help me, mommy."

Tears. My tears. That faithful little dude wasn't mad at me for snapping, but instead he sat patiently waiting on my bed because mommy puts his clothes on just right. That sweet little smile waited for me anyway, knowing I'd kiss his head before he toddled on downstairs for a bedtime snack.

"I love you, mommy"

Wordy, sure, but my point is this: we may feel we're failing at motherhood every day, but the truth is that we aren't. Our kids eyes see us differently and they don't compare us to unrealistic standards. They love us regardless. Let's stop focusing on failing and focus on fulfilling.

My new goal. I owe it to my kids. They sure put up with a lot from me.

Measurements

How do you measure a mother?

Is it in the quiet moments where everyone is safe or the crazy moments when the laughter is too loud, deafening?

Is it measured by contentment of a happy child, scribbling on a cardboard box, imagination running wild ~ dreams being drawn?

Do we measure mom by how her children grow up to be successful? Or because they grow up to be kind?

Should we shelter our children from the outside world or sit in the shadows, clapping, as their brains make sense of information ~ developing own opinions and identities?

Is a mother measured by the amount of veggies her kid consumes or by the chicken nuggets tossed in the back seat because it’s just too busy to slow down......

Do we measure mom by her glory, shiny moments or by her lows ~ the moments she sneaks away for solitude with a glass of wine because the day was just too much?

Do we give her a check for every family game night? Erase one when she’d rather have a moment alone instead?

Because motherhood is so much about losing and gaining and losing and gaining.......

You lose yourself so easily as your pour yourself into the tiny creatures who depend on you, look up to you, and never measure you the way you measure yourself.

You see, you can’t measure a mother at all. We are all worthy.